Namaste 🙏🏻

When she first came to London in 2005, a young girl stopped her on the street and convinced her to do a free photoshoot 📸.

Coming from a small provincial town, where she'd spent her childhood admiring the beautiful girls in Hollywood movies, she thought - maybe she could pretend to be one of them. Professional makeup, a change of clothes, flashing cameras. She signed up 💄.

As a student with only a part-time income 💸, she could afford just five images. But wow, was she happy! She posted them on the social media platforms of the time and received a wave of flattering comments. She loved how she looked. She loved the experience. It felt like a dream she deserved ✨.

She never chased professional pictures, but when the opportunity came, it gave her a real confidence boost 💫. Through a conversation exchange website, she met a wonderful Spaniard who turned out to be a talented photographer. This time, she printed a few images on canvas. They went up on the wall in her bedroom in a small shared apartment in central London. It seemed like she was looking for some symbol of feeling happy with herself - some mark of success 🖼️.

Of course, what she didn’t know at the time was that even if she did look pretty in those photos, that wasn’t an achievement of any sort. The credit went to the photographer for doing a great job - and if she wanted to appreciate her looks, she could’ve thanked her parents and Mother Nature for that 🌿. Being ‘flaky’ wasn’t always a choice. Often, it was a reflection of unhealthy patterns she had learned in childhood. In the society she grew up in, a girl’s priority was to always look good, to look appropriate, to be careful about what others might say. Those kinds of priorities were quietly pulling her further away from the real skills she could have been exploring 🧘‍♀️.

Some people would say, “That’s just your twenties.” That's arguable. Some of her friends were busy becoming qualified specialists, travelling to learn something new and getting active, while she was collecting memories for validation. Her travels were often planned around perfect images and bucket lists. Weekends were spent in bars, because she “deserved” it after a hard week and her friends would join her. Shopping sprees on Oxford Street for the next stunning dress to wear the following weekend. She was never at home, because if she didn’t share anything, it didn’t feel like it counted. It didn’t feel enough. She didn’t feel enough 🛍️.

She had no exercise routine. She hardly slept and ate poorly. Her lunches mostly came from M&S ready meals 🍲. She kept catching colds several times a year. She struggled with skin inflammation and digestive issues - and of course, she didn’t connect any of it to her pretty imbalanced lifestyle. She hadn’t read a single book since graduation 📚, and the fashion for Netflix was starting to kick in giving even less reason to commit to any kind of focused mental exercise.

Long commutes and constant exhaustion made everything feel harder - but it wasn’t time she lacked to figure it out. It was the absence of knowledge and direction.

She needed something different to happen in her life. To be guided toward healthier choices - both physically and mentally. To discover a real, grounded path to self-love.

A few years later, by pure chance, she became the 100th like on a Facebook page – a friend of a friend, another photographer, who offered her a free photoshoot. She was so lovely. No judgment, despite the layers of unnecessary makeup. No rush, even though it was free. Just lightness and smiles. The images were great. But this time, they didn’t get shared.

By then, she had discovered her passion for teaching and was trying to fit a CELTA qualification around full-time work so she could become a qualified EFL teacher 🇬🇧. Something was shifting.

The focus was slowly moving – from trying to look great on the outside to gaining new skills, becoming a gym member 🏊‍♀️, and meeting people who were driven by knowledge and healthy choices. The urge to seek approval slowly lost its grip. Her diet began to change. She built healthier routines and stopped investing in high street brands. New skills, new knowledge, new ways of travelling. She started focusing on what she loved, not just what looked good.

It took her years of neglecting herself to realise that, until then, she had no idea what it truly meant to love herself. To experience real self-love – the kind that isn’t loud or flashy, but nourishing, gentle, and quiet 💗.

She’s still working her way out of that mental trap, breaking barriers and unlearning old patterns. She wants to hug that younger version of herself 🤗 and tell her she did the best she could. She is grateful that she eventually woke up. She feels sad that external validation once seemed like the key to happiness to her - and that so many people carry that belief, often without even realising it 💔.

Today, she finds inspiration in the wisdom of the Buddhists and other philosophies that understood this long ago. And she is now exploring her way to adopting a different state of mind. One which is awlays aware of it's choices. One where self-love is freedom 🕊️. Freedom from attachment to what others think. Freedom from the need to compare and prove. Freedom to choose a healthier, more loving path - for herself. Because only when we truly love ourselves can we offer healthy love to others.

Have a healthy day

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